


Just Another Day (of Fanfiction)

by Ysavvryl



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Affectionate Parody, Antimuse, Apologies to Shippers, Characters Writing Fanfiction, Fanfiction, Gen, Giant Robots, Pizza, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 15:45:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7228738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ysavvryl/pseuds/Ysavvryl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yup, just another day in Danville when everyone gets interested in fanfiction.  Hey, who would win in a fight, Darth Vader or Shiva?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Another Day (of Fanfiction)

It was one of those peaceful warm sunny days that Danville was famous for: clear blue skies, not uncomfortably hot, faint sea breeze. The grass was a vibrant green; the houses were all neat and tidy. Yes, this was a suburban landscape of tranquility.

That is, until the frustrated screams of an adolescent girl broke through the air.

The faces of two boys peered into their sister's room. "Hey Candace, is something wrong?" Phineas asked.

"Is something wrong?" she growled, glaring at her flower-decorated computer. "Yes, of course there's something wrong! Why would I scream like that if nothing was wrong?"

Phineas knew better than to antagonize her when she was in one of these moods. "So what is wrong then?"

"It's this stupid fanfic reviewer," she answered, clenching her fists. "He says that my story is awful and predictable, but he keeps reading every update. Well if he doesn't like it, then why does he keep reading it?"

He shrugged. "I dunno, maybe he wants to help you improve?"

"He could be nicer about it," she said, slamming her fist onto the desk. "Now he's saying that my main character is a clear-cut Mary Sue. She is not!"

"Um, what's a Mary Sue?" Phineas asked. He knew a lot of things, but that was a new term to him. Ferb looked puzzled too.

Candace calmed down some, maybe in that she had something that she finally had to explain to the boys. "A Mary Sue is a character who's absolutely perfect and beautiful, who warps a story's canon to her whim, can do nothing wrong, always gets the guy she wants, utterly perfect, and utterly annoying. That's just a general idea… and my character is not that. She's… well…" she went silent as she considered what she had written.

After glancing at each other, the boys couldn't figure out anything to help her with. They were doers, not writers. Still, might as well encourage her. "Good luck with that story, then," Phineas said cheerily. "I'm sure you can make it work out. Maybe that reviewer can see something you can't. Later, then." Besides, if she was focused on writing her fanfiction, they could do something today without worrying about Candace trying to bust them.

Not that they ever worried about that or let that stop them from doing stuff.

Back in her room, Candace looked back at the screen and sighed dramatically. "Aw man… I guess she is too pretty and has everything go her way. I just wanted to write me and Jeremy into Kingdom Hearts in a story that everyone would love. Argh, I suck at writing!" She then banged her forehead against the keyboard.

A shadowy figure watched the frustrated young writer in fascination.

* * *

Perry looked up at them sleepily as the boys walked by him on the stairs, so Ferb grabbed him and packed the green platypus along outside. Walking out to the backyard, everything was quite ordinary: freshly mowed grass, a wooden fence, a shady tree. Just the same as the start of every day. Then again, every day tended to be different for these two boys.

"I don't think we had anything planned for today," Phineas said.

His older brother (step-brother really, but they had long since canceled out the 'step' part in their minds) shifted his hold on the platypus to pull out a clipboard. On checking the schedule, he nodded. Nothing planned for today, although tomorrow should be interesting. He put Perry down when he squirmed.

Scratching his head, Phineas thought. "Hmm… should we get out the master list of ideas and pick one at random?"

Just as Ferb was about to do that, they heard someone coming through the side yard. It was Baljeet. "But I was writing my story; I need time to do that."

"You need time outside," Buford insisted, dragging the Indian boy into the back yard. "Oh hey guys. We need to distract the nerd here." He picked Baljeet up and dumped him in front of the other two boys.

"I'm out here most every day," Baljeet insisted. "I can take a day off to do some writing. Hi Phineas, Ferb."

"Hi Baljeet, Buford," Phineas replied with his usual smile. "So you're writing too, huh? What are you writing about?"

Turning bashful, he clasped his hands. "Oh, it's just a fanfic I've been writing for a while now. It's a crossover of Star Wars and Gundam Wing, you know, because the only thing that could make Star Wars cooler would be giant battle mechas. And not those AT-AT Walkers, mechas like the gundams. I've even got one that's based on the Hindu god Shiva, since he's the god of destruction."

"Isn't that the guy with six arms?" Phineas asked. "That story sounds awesome! Can I read it?"

Baljeet beamed. "Sure! I've got a number of readers, actually, some that have been following the story since I started it. But well, I've been spending a lot of days with you guys, so it hasn't been updated much this summer. And I had been looking to complete it too, that is, once I figured out the problem."

"Now don't…" Buford started to say, not wanting him to get back into his writing mood.

"What's the problem?" Phineas interrupted.

Baljeet twiddled his fingers together. "See, I've read some other stuff in those fandoms and there's some really impressive writers out there who go into such detail about fighting with giant mechas. But I have a hard time writing the battles because I'm not sure how exactly they would run. I've been building up to this huge battle between the Empire and the Rebellion, which involves mechas and spaceships and the Death Star, and the Force, but I just can't get the inspiration to write it. And I don't want it to come out sounding dumb and disappointing my readers."

"Right. Well me and Ferb don't write much, but…" then a twinkle came to his eyes. "But I think we can still help! Come on Ferb, I know what we're going to do today!"

Baljeet felt nervous, for some reason. They didn't mean… wouldn't that be incredibly destructive to the city of Danville? "Um, what are we doing today?"

"We should have enough supplies," Phineas said, caught in rapidly growing plans. "I'd like to see what designs you have, Baljeet. And if... hey, where's Perry?"

The four boys glanced around. But as usual, Perry had slipped off somewhere while they had been talking. However, he was just a platypus. He'd probably gone to sleep somewhere inside. Shrugging at that, they went to go prepare things.

* * *

Despite what the boys thought, Perry was not 'just a platypus'. He walked along to a bush in the front yard and glanced around. No one was paying him any heed. In the clear, he pulled out a nifty hat from nowhere, put it on his head, and jumped behind the bush. There was a hidden lever in the branches that, when pulled, dropped him into a tunnel and eventually to his hidden base.

Going up to the large (for a platypus) computer, he got into the sleek chair and watched the screen for a moment. Then an older human wearing a military outfit appeared. "Sorry Agent P," Major Monogram said, "looks like the shoot isn't aiming right for your chair. We'll get someone in to take a look at that. Anyhow, your assignment for today. Doofenshmirtz is putting a lot of hours on the internet lately, which is suspicious. He could be organizing an evil overlord shopping site, or gathering information on a plan to take over the Tri-state area, or, I guess, even looking at naughty pictures."

Perry's eyes popped out at the thought.

"Uh, but we doubt the last one," the major said. "This is a Disney children's show after all and we're not supposed to mention stuff like that. So go find out what he's up to and put a stop to it."

Turning serious, Perry saluted, then headed off for his scooter.

"You're right sir, that expression was priceless," a voice off-camera said in amusement.

"Carl, we're still on," he hissed, then cut the transmission.

* * *

Upon the spontaneous happy jingle of 'Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated,' Doofenshmirtz flipped open his cellphone and answered the call. "Hello? No, I am not interested in your paltry political nonsense today, goodbye!" He snapped his phone shut and sighed. "Sheesh, you'd think that being an unlisted number on the 'No-Call' list would stop that kind of thing, but no. I ought to do something about them sometime. Maybe force them to listen to their own recordings nonstop…"

At that, the front door slammed open to the kick of one small Australian mammal in a nifty hat. He walked in with an intense look in his black eyes. Yes, it was that time again.

Doofenshmirtz waved half-heartedly. "Oh, hello Perry the Platypus. Good to see you using the front door. I'd trigger some trap for you, but my mind's busy with something else. Argh, who thought that it'd be so frustrating to write a counter to this junk! I mean, seriously? It should take only an hour to come up with something, but I just can't manage it."

Wary of what he might find, Perry walked over to the mad scientist, who was glaring at a computer screen. There, he saw a Word document that was partly filled with text. Behind that was an internet window open to a story on a fanfiction website. He gave the scientist a look.

"You see, Perry," Doofenshmirtz said, not worried that his greatest nemesis was right by his ankles, "I was feeling a bit down the other day, so I came over to this website of fan stories in order to have a good laugh at some idiot writer's expense. It's hilarious what some of these kids think is 'science' or 'real deep thoughts', you know? But then I found something that surprised me, something that I never expected. I found fanfictions all about me! And you, usually they write you in too."

Raising an eyebrow, Perry wondered who in the world would write a fanfiction about Doofenshmirtz. He was a bit flattered to think someone would write about a simple platypus agent like himself. But then he might want to let the agency know about this… if they didn't know already.

Doofenshmirtz pounded his fist on the desk. "But then I made the mistake of actually reading those stories! And it's terrible! Inconceivable! They write about the two of us like we're some bickering old married couple! Not the greatest mad scientist in the Tri-state area and his stubborn little nemesis! They're writing romances about us, the awful despicable no-good hacks!"

Romances? Between him and Doofenshmirtz? Perry's eyes popped out of his head.

For a moment, that distracted the scientist. "You know Perry, that look on your face is priceless. Still, not worth the shame and indignation I feel at this mess! I haven't been so embarrassed since… well, you've heard that story already. So I decided that I was going to do something about it! And for that, I built my latest and greatest invention: the Deus-Ex-Machina-Inator!" He flung his arm out dramatically at the newly built machine behind him.

It was a definite Doofenshmirtz design. On top of a cylindrical yellow metal base, there was a blue glass bubble top with a strange red rim of flashing lights. Six arms rose off the rim and came out, to bend back to a point over the bubble top. Those arms were equipped with something like lasers. But why were they aimed over the machine itself?

He put his hand to his chin. "Now, I know what you're thinking. 'Doof, aren't all your 'inator machines deus-ex-machinas at one time or another?' Yes, yes, I'm aware of that. Unfortunately, the effect is rarely the one I want and does strange things to strange objects that appear at random every day in Danville. But this, this is at last a true deus-ex-machina that will help me and only me! Well maybe you too, but still! And I know it will do this because I have an actual god in my machine! Observe."

Racing over to the machine with surprising speed, he lifted up a panel on the cylindrical base. Inside, there was what appeared to be a young man with short red hair, freckles, pimples, and a green pizzeria uniform. His tall and gangly frame was somehow crammed into a space that was better suited to trap a child. Blinking, he said, "Um, I think you've made a mistake here."

"What?" Doofenshmirtz asked, incredulous. "No I have not. I never make mistakes unless I mean to all along. You are a god of pizza!"

The young man looked up at him. "Um, I'm the pizza delivery guy…"

"Now shut up and do your godly duties," Doofenshmirtz ordered, then shut the panel again. "With this Deus-Ex-Machina-Inator, I will lure all those insane fanfic writers to my own story and turn them all into trolls! And I don't mean the jerk anonymous message board trolls either, I mean real trolls. Big, green, hairy, smelly, and ugly. I don't need to make them stupid, because they already are. Now I just have to write my bait story."

He sighed and came back to the computer, dropping into his chair. After rubbing his eyes, he looked to the screen. It seemed that he had been trying to write this story for a long time, maybe all night. Perry glanced over the rough draft.

"But you won't believe how hard it is to write a story to match the junk they're posting," Doofenshmirtz admitted, sounding worn out. "I mean, you look at this stuff and go, 'hey, that's horrible, I could write something way better than that in a jiffy.' But I've hit that, what's the term? Writer's block. I've hit writer's block and I can't come up with what should be happening. And here I was going to write a glorious story about the day when I finally beat you! I seem to have lost my inspiration. Ugh, I can't even distract myself with my machines."

Somewhere in the strange lab, a shadowy figure watched. But it had to scurry away when Perry glanced back its way. The platypus soon went over to a shelf, then returned with some books.

"What's this?" Doofenshmirtz asked, taking two of them. Then his eyes widened. "A dictionary and a thesaurus? What are you saying? Do you think my story is horrible? That's it, you're going to pay! Once I can think of a suitable revenge, though…"

Perry then handed over a guide to writing too. A determined look was in his small frame. However, it didn't seem to be directed at Doofenshmirtz this time. He glared at the computer screen.

"What, you're going to help me get revenge against these fanfic writers?" He smiled. "Why thanks Perry, that's very thoughtful of you. Okay, I'll show you one of the, er, tamer ones, just so you can see an example of how horrible they are. Then we'll figure out how to write a story to get the attention of all those perverts out there. Without being perverted ourselves, of course. This is a Disney children's show, after all."

Perry nodded. Doofenshmirtz might have been an evil (if ineffective) mad scientist, but anyone who would ship the two of them together had to be pure evil. Thus, he'd find a way to help get revenge against all those writers.

But then a strange voice spoke up from elsewhere in the lab. "Deus-Ex-Machina-Inator, is it? I'm afraid that I can't let that exist."

Before either of the two of them could react in time, the newest 'inator' machine went kablooey in an impressive black fireball.

* * *

Somewhere in the suburban neighborhood, a massive shining stadium had appeared. The Fireside Girls troop went to check it out, although they had a pretty good idea of who was behind it. And sure enough, they encountered Phineas and Ferb in hard hats outside the entrance. "Hey there Isabella," Phineas greeted.

"Hey there Phineas," she replied. "Whatcha doing?"

"Helping Baljeet write his fanfic by researching how giant mechas battle."

"Oh, so that's why you brought the stadium back."

He nodded. "Right, so we don't go smashing buildings on accident. Well we've got the battle ground set up. Now all we need are the giant mechas."

Baljeet came up with several pieces of paper. "Well I've got several different ones in my story," he said, uncertain. "I don't know which one to pick, though."

"Let us see that." After a minute, Phineas looked to his brother. "Think we can mange all of them?"

Ferb gave a thumbs up sign of approval.

"But it would go faster with help." He looked to the girls. "Does your Fireside Girls manual cover giant fighting robots?"

"It should," Isabella replied, while another girl checked.

"Um, household robotics, advanced computers, rocket science…" Gretchen muttered, before flipping the page and pointing. "There! Giant fighting robots! Do you mean actual robots or mecha vehicles?"

"We can always try out both," Phineas said. "Well, we've got a lot of work to do, so let's get down to it!"

* * *

Doofenshmirtz was still ranting and raving about his broken machine. In the meantime, Perry had looked at the partial story that had been written. It was rather tough for him to help out in writing a story, given that he didn't have hands. And it was strange; as he looked at the story, he felt like something was draining from his mind. Was Doofenshmirtz's writing that bad? Perhaps he didn't need the Deus-Ex-Machina-Inator to turn fanfic writers into trolls after all.

Eventually, the scientist winded down. He put his hand on the wall and breathed heavily for a minutes. "I wonder who that black-cloaked weirdo was," he said. "Well, now I have to fix my machine… and find that god all over again. And get revenge on them and the fanfic writers! Argh! That's it! This is too much, even for me to handle. So I'm calling in some help. Fortunately, I have just the thing. Behold, my Www-Remotekidnapper-Inator!" He whipped out a large remote with a whirly thingamabob at the end.

Perry gave him a blank look.

"This device directly kidnaps people through the internet!" He frowned at it. "However, I've only managed one person at a time, and the perverse fanfic writers are an unnumbered legion. Decent fanfic writers are rarer, but if I put in my settings right," he began punching buttons furiously on the remote-inator, "I can manage to find one. I hope, it's really a gamble. But, I will take that chance. Now, go!" He slammed his finger down on the largest button.

The device began glowing, particularly at the whirly thingamabob. Then it shot out a purple light at the computer screen, followed up by a massive white flash. When it was gone, a young woman wearing a tie-dye t-shirt and blue jeans was standing in the room with them. "Um…"

Doofenshmirtz pointed his finger. "Now you will work for me! You… um… who are you?"

Nervously leaning back, she said, "Um, I'm…" she made a face and touched her throat. "Huh? I can't say my name."

"That would be because I kidnapped you through an internet fanfiction site," Doofenshmirtz explained. "So you're going to use your internet handle with us."

She perked up. "Oh, well then I'd be Ysavvryl… wait." She glanced around. "Am I in a fanfic? Self-insert fics make me uneasy." She glanced at Perry, who shrugged.

Doofenshmirtz snorted. "Fanfic? No, you're in a Disney children's show. Phineas and Ferb, you know? I'm sure you must have watched it, because that's what I aimed for."

"Oh right. The art style does look right for that. But uh, I write video game fanfics. Not TV show fics."

"That doesn't matter! Look, you are going to write a fanfic where I defeat Perry the Platypus at last in a grand epic battle to stun everyone who reads it. While you do that, I'm going to fix my Deus-Ex-Machina-Inator to turn all the pervert writers who ship me and Perry into trolls."

"If some of them aren't trolls already," she noted. "Plus, aren't all your machines deus-ex-machinas at one point or another?"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER!" he shouted, throwing his hands in the air. "You write the fic; Perry can help you with it. Use him as a muse or something, just make sure he loses. And I'm going to fix the machine. Got it?"

"And what if I don't agree to this?" Ysavvryl asked.

"I will, uh…" truth was, Doofenshmirtz hadn't considered that bringing in a writer, who could manipulate the reality of a story at will, might be a bad idea. And that it'd be hard to manipulate someone with that power. "I will do something horrible, like post your deepest darkest secrets online."

"Uh-huh," she said, not believing him. Then she knelt down and looked at Perry, who just fiddled with his nifty hat. "A muse huh? Hey…" she suddenly looked serious. "Have you seen an anti-muse around?"

"Anti-muse? What in the world is an anti-muse? Muses are sources of inspiration and there's no such thing as a source of, well, anti-inspiration. It's just laziness and… lack of inspiration… which is why I brought you in the write the story! Not because I'm an awful writer, you see."

Looking at the actual writer, Perry made some gestures of a strange shadowy figure in a black cloak. Then he pointed to the wreckage of the first Deus-Ex-Machina-Inator.

She nodded. "I see, so he has been here. All right." She got up and went to the computer. "In that case, I'll write your story. What's it called?" Then she looked at was written and made a face. This was going to take a lot of work.

* * *

It was the afternoon, or somewhere about that time, when Stacy came up to the giant shining stadium. Worried, she looked around but didn't find who she was looking for. Sure, there were the usual Fireside Girls running about, along with the boys. But not her. Stacy went up to the boys in charge. "Hey Phineas, Ferb. Have you guys seen Candace recently?"

"Hey Stacy," Phineas called. "No we haven't. Why?"

"Oh. I haven't heard from her since early this morning, when she was ranting about some fanfic reviewer. I got worried, because normally I've had a bunch of texts or a call by now about whatever you're doing here. And I called your Mom, but she said she hadn't heard from Candace either."

The two boys looked at each other. "Huh, that's weird," Phineas said.

"We ought to check on her," Ferb added.

"Right." He brought out a walkie-talkie. "Hey Isabella, can you finish the build? We need to go check on our sister."

"Sure thing, Phineas. We've just got to polish everything up for the big debut."

"Great! See you in a bit."

On the opposite walkie-talkie, Isabella sighed. "Oh, he's counting on me now. We've got to get this perfect!" She set about to polishing the mechas in earnest, daydreaming about her secret fanfic that starred her and Phineas as fairy tale heroes, the most romantic couple ever. But, she wrote it under a handle that no one could guess her true identity from.

Somewhere behind her, the shadowy figure of an anti-muse smiled darkly.

* * *

Stacy, Phineas, and Ferb ran over to the boys' home. Their parents Linda and Lawrence were away, so they had to unlock the front door. Inside, the house was quiet, an unusual thing for when Candace had the place to herself. Upstairs, they found her in her room.

But it wasn't good. She was staring blankly at the screen, no longer angry or upset about whatever the reviewer had to say. Seemingly at a lost for what to type, her hands rested on the keyboard, motionless. Candace looked drained and exhausted.

"Candace!" Phineas said, going over to her and shaking her arm. Her skin felt cold. "Candace, snap out of it."

She didn't respond.

Stacy came over and shook her friend's shoulders. "Candace? Have you been up all night? Come on, speak to us!"

She didn't respond. The only thing she did upon being shaken was to let her hands drop off the keyboard. Although feeling fearful of what had happened to her, Phineas thought to check her pulse and breathing. "She's still alive, just unresponsive. Hey, maybe you ought to call Jeremy over. That might get a response out of her."

Nodding, Stacy whipped out her cell phone. "Right, that ought to do it."

Several minutes later, Ferb went downstairs to let Jeremy in. The blond teenager went right to her. "Candace? I heard something was wrong with her. What's going on?"

Candace still stared blankly in front of her, even though they had pulled her off the computer chair and onto her bed. "We don't know," Stacy said. "She's just been like this since we found her. None of us have heard from her since this morning. What about you?"

He shook his head. "No, I haven't heard from her either. I'll drive her over to the hospital, though. Do you want to come along?"

"Sure," Phineas said, but then he was interrupted.

Buford's voice came over the walkie-talkie. "Hey, Phineas, something weird's going on here. You might want to see it."

He pulled the walkie-talkie off his belt. "Sorry Buford, but Candace is acting weird, not responding to us or doing anything."

"Huh. That's exactly what Baljeet and the girls here are doing."

"What? We'll be there shortly." He put the walkie-talkie back. "Sorry, we're gonna check on them first. But take her and tell us what the doctor says. We'll be at the big shiny stadium a few blocks down." Ferb handed Jeremy his walkie-talkie to use.

Having gotten used to strange landmarks appearing daily, Jeremy nodded and took the device. "Right. Stacy, would you help me?" They carried Candace down to Jeremy's car while Phineas and Ferb ran back to the stadium.

In the opening of the workspace below the stadium, Buford had brought Baljeet and all the Fireside Girls to one spot. Like Candace, they were all staring blankly ahead, looking wiped out and drained. The bully didn't look too good himself. "Man, am I bushed all of a sudden," he said, rubbing his forehead. "I had no idea what to do with 'em, so I brought everybody here."

The two boys checked, but they all were alive too. "What happened to them?" Phineas asked.

"Well Baljeet here was doing some writing on his story, now that he's seen the mechas outside of his mind," Buford said, patting the Indian boy. "But then he started complaining that he didn't know what to do, so I told him to wait for the fights. He wouldn't listen, though, kept talking quieter and quieter until he just blanked out like this. I went to check on the others and some of them were already blanked out, the rest getting that way. And now they're all quiet." He paused. "I wasn't sure what to do."

"There's nothing for you to do," a spooky voice beside them said.

The three turned and saw a tall thin man standing nearby. He wore a black cloak that extended down to the ground, with a large hood blocking his face. At that, Buford sneered, but didn't seem as enthusiastic for some reason. "Hey, who's the Organization XIII wannabe?"

"Quiet," the man said, holding up his hand to Buford.

The bully's face suddenly went blank. "Didn't know what to do," he mumbled, then was silent.

"Buford?" Phineas asked, startled. He looked to the cloaked man, clenching his fists. "What did you do to them, and Candace?"

"Ending unintelligent thoughts before they started," he stated. "I am the anti-muse. Even the most creative people cannot fight the apathy that I spread." Then he held his hand out to Phineas and Ferb.

* * *

At Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, Doofenshmirtz had stopped work on his Deus-Ex-Machina-Inator machine as, for some reason, he could not recall how he had done certain things before. And Perry had left Ysavvryl's side, as she seemed to have no trouble in writing things down. Instead, the two of them played 'Go Fish' in order to pass the time.

With an evil grin on his face, Doofenshmirtz held three cards in his hand. Perry had four, with one left in the draw pile. But on the table, it was clear who was winning. The mad scientist had eighteen pairs on his side, while the platypus had a paltry four pairs. "Do you… have any..." he drew this out, enjoying the game way too much, "SIXES?"

Perry sighed, having given up on winning this game some time ago. Then he shook his head. He had no six card.

Snatching up the last draw card (which was a six, of course), Doofenshmirtz slammed down his pair of sixes, jumped out of his chair, and pointed at Perry. "HAH! I have nineteen pairs, so I win! You may beat me at ending my schemes, but now I am the undisputed King of Go Fish!"

The platypus gave him a look that questioned the honor of that title.

Doofenshmirtz crossed his arms over his chest, determined to keep some dignity. "Well it isn't much, but I'll take what wins I can get."

"Oh hey," Ysavvryl said, pausing in her typing. "Doofenshmirtz, do you happen to have any spare giant mechas lying about? What about you, Perry?"

"Actually, I do happen to keep some mechas just lying about," the scientist replied, walking over to the computer. "It's mandated by the Mad Scientists Union, after all. What for?"

"I found my anti-muse," she replied, bringing up a map on the main monitor. "There's this giant shiny stadium that appeared out of nowhere that's got a bunch of kids doing stuff with giant mechas in there. You know, you never find a giant mecha without finding some kid around."

Eyes widening, Perry dashed over, reaching the computer desk before Doofenshmirtz. In Danville, if any kids were messing around with things like giant mechas, it was usually Phineas and Ferb's handiwork.

The writer went on. "The anti-muse is drawn to creative people like a vampire is to living beings. It saps the spark of inspiration from them, which is why you can't finish writing this story or rebuilding your machine. Some highly creative individuals can resist an anti-muse, but it's a dangerous thing to leave running about loose. It should be taken out, preferably with excessive force. And since there's giant mechas about, might as well stick to a theme."

"Oh, is that's what's stopping me? Fine, I'll go grab a couple of the mechas and squash that thing. Perry… hey, where's Perry?"

The platypus agent was nowhere in sight. Ysavvryl shrugged. "He may have contacts. You'd better go, though."

"Right, I'll get down to it. And you'd better finish that bait story! I'm going to fix this Deus-Ex-Machina-Inator when I get back!"

"No worries about that," she said, waving him off.

* * *

Afraid, Jeremy and Stacy ran out of the hospital. Danville was strangely quiet for the middle of a summer's afternoon. "It is so freaky in there," Stacy said, sweating.

"Yeah," Jeremy said, still holding onto Candace. "Here, tell Phineas and Ferb." He took the walkie-talkie and handed it to Stacy, trying to keep Candace upright.

"Right, they're the only ones we're certain of…" she pressed the speak button. "Phineas? Ferb? Something crazy is going on."

"We know," Phineas replied, sounding like he was running. "Did you get in to see a doctor already?"

"No, that's the crazy thing. Everyone in the hospital is like Candace. And there's lots more people like that outside too." She watched as Jeremy put Candace back in the car carefully. There seemed to be no point to leaving her in the hospital if no one could care for her.

"Everyone there too? Everyone here is all blank."

"What's going on? Do you have any ideas?"

"Um, yes," Phineas said. "There's an anti-muse that's trying to attack us. And he… uh-oh."

"What? What's gone 'uh-oh?'"

"Get to the stadium as quickly as you can," he ordered. "We've got a bunch of giant fighting mechas here. Looks like we have to use them now. The anti-muse has stolen an Imperial one…"

"Huh?"

"Let's just go, Stacy," Jeremy said. "I'd trust them."

"Okay. We'll be right over." She jumped into the car as it started up and sped away.

* * *

Usually when the giant shiny stadium appeared, people in Danville flocked in to see what mayhem would take place. Today, the seats were entirely empty. Phineas and Ferb had stashed their friends into other mechas, figuring that'd be the safest place for them. They had run out of room, so they took Baljeet into the Mecha Shiva with them when they powered up that fighting robot.

Mecha Shiva's eyes opened, glowing a brilliant yellow. It brought its six arms up, then stood up from its cross-legged sitting position to climb out onto the stadium's field. With brown skin and a long thin red ponytail, Mecha Shiva was armed with two large lightsabers, two large clubs, and two large guns. It looked very much like Baljeet's original drawing of his story's creations, the Rebellion's finest mecha which was best piloted by a Jedi. Or Han Solo. While Phineas and Ferb didn't have any Force powers, they did have powers of science. Or something that resembled science, but not quite, that allowed them to do all the crazy stuff they did all summer long.

At the opposite end of the stadium, the anti-muse stood on the shoulder of the mecha he had possessed. And of course, he had picked the Empire's best machine, the Mecha Vader. This was an entirely black mecha with hefty armor and a long black cape, along with the distinctive helmet of Darth Vader, exactly as Baljeet had specified in his story. It was not armed as much as Mecha Shiva, but it did have a powerful lightsaber and an even bigger gun.

"Looks like we get to test out Baljeet's final battle first," Phineas said. "Do we have any cameras rolling?"

Ferb gave him a thumbs up, plus indicated a wide range of views he had from his operating station. Even with most of the people blanked out, they would get the whole thing recorded for everyone to see later. But they would have to win first, so there would be a later time to view the battles.

"Give up your pitiful efforts," the anti-muse said, speaking normally but somehow projecting his voice into the cockpit of Mecha Shiva. "I have absorbed the creative energy of most of the populous of Danville. Even you two will be unable to resist my powers for long."

"No one takes our creativity away!" Phineas declared, then started up the attack sequence. Mecha Shiva danced across the stadium. With its unusual six-armed build, it had to keep in a dance-like motion in order to stay balanced while attacking.

However, Mecha Vader did not have that problem, as its legs were much sturdier. The caped mecha strode over to the dancer and slashed its lightsaber down to disarm Shiva, literally. But the latter bent sideways to dodge the strike, then slashed away with its two sabers. That barely made a scratch on Vader's armor.

"We may have built him a little too tough," Phineas remarked. "Or exactly right for the story. Nice move on the dodge though, Ferb." He moved the club wielding arms, knocking Vader on the shoulders. It didn't do much to the mecha.

But it did cause the anti-muse a panicked moment where he jumped onto Mecha Vader's head. As he did, Baljeet stirred. "Huh…Where… am I? I couldn't…"

"Baljeet!" Phineas yelled. "There's an anti-muse trying to attack us. Don't let it take hold of you again."

"Huh, anti-muse…?" he looked around blinking. Mecha Shiva twirled away from Vader's next hit, causing him to slide. Then the boy saw the screens, his eyes widening. "Are we in Mecha Shiva?"

"That's right," Phineas said cheerfully. "Here, think you can handle the guns? I'm having trouble running all six arms at once. We need to prove your story right, that Mecha Shiva can defeat Mecha Vader."

His story. Baljeet felt a burst of creativity enter his mind, as well as a burst of anger. An anti-muse… was it trying to ruin the ending of his story? "That anti-muse isn't going to win!" he called out, getting up to run to the seat by Phineas. However, Ferb had to dodge again, causing Baljeet to tumble into the seat sideways.

"Better buckle up," Ferb noted. "The suspension system we made isn't enough to compensate for all the movement."

"Right." He buckled in, then looked over the system. This was much like he imagined it… he went to work figuring out the guns.

* * *

Jeremy took Candace into one of the closer mechas, while Stacy went to find Isabella. There seemed to be no one in the cabin of the mecha, so he put her into the larger seat and strapped her in. Then he went to the smaller seat on the lower level and tried to figure out the console before him. "Okay… I've played some games with giant mechas before. Shouldn't be too hard." He looked at the monitor, the buttons, the levers, and the steering wheel. "I hope it's not too hard."

Fortunately, the Fireside Girls had insisted on clearly labeling every device. Jeremy found the ignition, so fired the mecha up. From there, it was sort of like driving a car. He managed to steer the mecha into the stadium. He could see Mecha Vader and Mecha Shiva caught with their three blades locked. Both sides were trying to figure out how to use more than one weapon at a time, so they weren't able to break the blade lock.

Curiosity got the better of Jeremy, as he wondered where the weapons on this mecha were and manipulated a lever labeled 'Vertical'. His machine shot into the air. "Whoaa!" he called.

"Jeremy, is that you?" Phineas called over the mechas' radio. "You've got Mecha Boba Fett out, and we weren't sure how stable the jet-propulsion would be. We didn't put anyone in there because of that."

"I can tell," he said, frantically trying to work the steering wheel and the vertical shift at once. "But this is Boba Fett? Where's its weapons?"

"Up at the weapon's console, above the piloting seat. Is Stacy still with you?"

Jeremy grimaced. "No… I put Candace up there."

"Oh… yikes!" The Vader mecha finally got its gun figured out and shot the Shiva mecha in the torso. "The anti-muse has Mecha Vader; if we manage to hit it, she might start to recover. Talk sense into her, then get her to work the guns. Fett's got the best ranged weapon."

"I'm here to help!" Stacy called, bringing out a mecha that was designed to look like a golden monkey. It spun around on the ground wildly. "Um, once I figure this one out…"

"That's Mecha Hanuman," Phineas explained. "He's meant to have wild movements. Is Isabella okay in there?"

"Yeah, I've got her strapped down. Well I can do this!" She caused Mecha Hanuman to dash across the stadium and barrel right into Mecha Vader as it was trying to attack Mecha Shiva. The anti-muse fell off Mecha Vader, then had to rush out of the way to avoid being stepped on by his own mecha.

"Urgh, huh?" Candace grumbled, finally stirring. "Jeremy, what?"

When he glanced back at her, he saw that she was looking at their surroundings in puzzlement, trying to get unstrapped. "No, stay there Candace," Jeremy said. "You got attacked by this anti-muse while you were writing your story."

"Hurgurgle?" But the reply was from over the radio.

"That's right, Isabella," Stacy said, bounding Mecha Hanuman back, but crashing into the seating. "Whoops, ow! Sorry!"

"Don't sink back into apathy, all of you!" Phineas called out over the radio. "We need your help." Mecha Shiva slashed back at Mecha Vader, still not doing much damage.

"Right, and he's trying to stop you from finishing your stories, and other creative projects!" Baljeet called out. "So don't let him. Ah-ha!" Mecha Shiva finally blasted its guns at Mecha Vader. This had a much better effect, causing the black mecha to stumble back. Phineas then went in with the lightsabers and clubs to attack the weak points the guns had created.

"What?" Candace called, getting fire back into her voice. "No way! It's my story and I'm not letting any dumb anti-muse take it away from me! Where's the weapons on this thing?"

"You're apparently in control of them," Jeremy said, finally getting the hang of flying Mecha Boba Fett.

"Let me see." Candace picked a button, which brought out a giant rocket launcher and sent a large rocket Vader's way. The anti-muse managed to pull the mecha back, causing the rocket to explode into the seating.

"Thank goodness we don't have an audience today," Phineas remarked.

"Is an anti-muse human?" Isabella asked.

"I doubt it," Phineas said. "If it can suck the creativity out of nearly everyone in Danville, that's not human."

"All right then! Time for Hanuman Power!" She brought the golden monkey mecha's hands together and caused a large sphere of fire to appear. She then aimed it, not at Mecha Vader, but at the anti-muse itself. After she released it, it was hard to tell if she hit the thing. the fireball kept going through the seats, setting a great many flags and banners on fire.

"There you are, you despicable anti-muse!" a strange man with a thick German accent burst out over the radio. A different mecha built into the form of a gentleman's butler karate-chopped its way into the stadium. "I'll get you for ruining my plans to turn those perverted shippers into trolls!"

"What's he talking about?" Phineas asked, befuddled.

"Oh no you don't!" Baljeet, Candace, Stacy, and Isabella all shouted. Mecha Hanuman, Mecha Boba Fett, and Mecha Shiva aimed their guns at the German butler mecha and blasted it away as one.

"Um, what's that about?" Phineas asked again, more uncertain.

"You can't imagine how terrible the internet would become if all shippers became trolls," Candace stated as a matter of fact.

"I aim to end all fanfics," the anti-muse growled, enveloping Mecha Vader in black flames. "Including this very one!"

"That's not an ability of my Mecha Vader," Baljeet said, frightened.

"It's not one of the abilities we gave it either," Ferb noted.

Mecha Vader slashed its lightsaber at Mecha Hanuman while shooting at Mecha Shiva. The two managed to dodge away while firing their guns at it. At his station, Jeremy brought Fett into a position with a clear shot at Vader while Candace found the gun's charge function. They fired a powerful charged shot at Vader and hit it, knocking off its saber arm and a good portion of its upper torso. But the black flames kept the mecha going even though it should have shut down to those injuries.

* * *

Without warning, another mecha dropped into the stadium. This one was designed to look like a green platypus with a nifty brown hat on. Inside the platypus mecha, Perry was poised within a glowing circle. He sprung up and kicked at thin air inside the cockpit. In response, his mecha leapt forward and jump-kicked Mecha Vader, knocking it clear through the stands and into the streets of Danville.

"Cool!" Phineas called out over the radio in excitement. "We should have totally designed a platypus mecha too!"

"But if that's not one of yours," Isabella asked, "then who's driving it?"

Perry said nothing as usual. Instead, he turned his focus to the real problem: the anti-muse. The kids seemed to be okay, resisting its creativity draining powers. But he wasn't about to let this danger remain. He followed up with a roundabout kick to the anti-muse, knocking it into the air towards Mecha Shiva. Phineas managed to react in time to slice right through it.

There was a short unearthly scream as the lightsaber cut the anti-muse's cloak in two. But when the halves parted and drifted to the ground, there was nothing inside them. The black clothing faded into shadows, then nothing.

"So it really wasn't human," Phineas said. "Thanks, whoever you are."

Perry tipped his hat, causing his mecha to do the same to them. Then he caused it to jump away, disappearing as mysteriously as he had appeared. He was an agent, after all, and needed to keep his secrets.

* * *

The area of the battle was a mess, with the damaged stadium and its pieces lying about everywhere. Doofenshmirtz managed to get his broken mecha back into its storage place. "That was horrible," he declared as he stormed back into his main lair.

Ysavvryl looked up from the computer. "Hmm? Oh, thanks for helping me out with my anti-muse. He's a handful at times."

Fuming, he put his hands on his hips. "What are you talking about? I got knocked out of battle by those other three mechas before I could do anything about that creature! And Perry ended up winning that fight! I know it was him; that nifty hat is unmistakable, even on a battle mecha. I said I was to win in an epic battle against him!"

She nodded. "And that's what I did. That was a mean game of Go Fish you played."

Doofenshmirtz stopped, his jaw dropping. "Wh-wh-what? You mean my victory was only in a children's card game?"

Shrugging, she replied, "Hey, it's a Disney children's show. Oh, and I also found your pizza delivery guy god." She glanced over at the pimply immortal. "Mind taking care of things? I normally don't like the 'status quo is god' trope, but in this case, better safe than sorry. Just leave the tapes behind, Baljeet needs to see the battles."

He sniffed. "Well normally my duties entail making sure deliveries are safe and quick, with the pizzas remaining piping hot and fresh. But as you say, better safe than sorry. We don't want the anti-muse slipping back into this world after all." He flipped his hand up, magically making a delicious smelling box of pizza appear. "Everyone has to forget about this day. But hey, we'll fix everything back up as it was and give everyone involved a great pizza pie!"

And with a flash, everything was put back to normal.

* * *

It was the end one of those peaceful warm sunny days that Danville was famous for: clear sunset-vibrant skies, not uncomfortably hot, faint stars appearing as the sun was disappearing. The grass was a vibrant green; the houses were all neat and tidy. Yes, this was a suburban landscape of tranquility.

That is, until the delighted shriek of an adolescent girl broke through the air.

Phineas and Ferb peered into the room of their older sister. "Candace? What's up?"

"Eeek, it's wonderful!" she squealed, jumping out of her chair and twirling about. "I fixed my story up and now everybody loves it! I am the most awesome writer ever!"

Although they doubted she was 'the most awesome ever', the boys knew better than to ruin her giddy mood. "Good job, then," Phineas said. "Hey, we're ordering out for pizza tonight, because Dad found an awesome coupon online. Come on down if you want a say in what we get."

And everyone was happy with cheesy goodness to spare.


End file.
